Posted on: November 13th, 2008 Jimmy Page Comes To His Senses

Apparently Jimmy Page does have a shred of self respect and reverence for Led Zeppelin. Through his management company QPrime, Page has issued the following statement about his new “project”. “Whatever this is, it is not Led Zeppelin,” “Not without the involvement of Robert Plant.” Oh really? Thanks for the heads up Jimmy. Rockheap has an idea, why not dig up the corpse of David Coverdale and call it Coverdale/Page Part 2, since that went over so well. What? Coverdale is still alive? That makes it even easier. Page, Jones and Bonham have been holding rehearsals with singers including Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler. Word on the street is that experiment didn’t turn out too well. Myles Kennedy, lead singer of Alter Bridge also known as fake Creed, is also a possibility. A suggestion on what to call this mockery…Led Shitlin.

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Posted on: August 25th, 2008 Ambassador Page

Jimmy Page helped close out the Beijing 2008 Olympics as he and other brits were handed the torch ceremoniously for the 2012 Olympic Games in London yesterday. Pagey popped out of a Transformers looking double decker bus playing Whole Lotta Love, while Beyonce, I mean Leona Lewis sang the vocals of a very PC version of the song. While this travesty was going on “English People” were apparently doing “English Things” to remind us that the Olympics are in England next. This garbage ended with David Beckham kicking a soccer ball into the crowd, RockHeap vomited then turned off the telly.

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Posted on: August 22nd, 2008 Forget Page & Plant, It’s Page & Phelps

Michael Phelps has dominated the Beijing Olympics with his unthinkable 8 gold medals. But no amount of medals can top his next event. He will be sharing the stage with Jimmy Page! Page & Phelps will be part of the Olympic closing ceremony. A short handover segment will take place in London, which will be the site of the 2012 summer games. Reportedly Pagey will perform “Whole Lotta Love” with Leona Lewis. We don’t know who Leona Lewis is and don’t care enough to look her up.

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